We tried t-ball. We tried basketball. We tried to sign him up for the same team sports as his older brother because we wanted to give all of our boys a chance to make friends, stay active, and find their passions. Despite our best intentions, this did not work out as planned. You see, since my son Charlie was a baby, he has struggled greatly with getting his body to collaborate nicely with his brain. He was late to sit up, crawl, and walk. His gait is still noticeably different and he is often inefficient and clumsy in both gross and fine motor skills. We spent time in Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy before we discovered recently that the learning and execution of his motor skills is inhibited by something called Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD).
Like many kids with DCD, Charlie also has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I am fairly certain that entire dandelion fields were seeded during Charlie’s spring stint in t-ball. He did not have the hand strength to dribble a basketball and his brain just could not retain the muscle memory of how to grip the bat between innings. We had been signing him up for team sports with his peers to help him, but this only increased the frustration he felt and made his challenges more apparent to both us and himself.
I saw the free six-week trial for karate at TriStar Martial Arts in Westminster and I wondered if this could possibly be a good fit for Charlie. I didn’t know much about martial arts, but from what I heard, I knew that it is an activity that engages both the body and mind - essentially what Charlie struggles with the most. I put aside my anxieties and signed him up. Over the past several weeks, I have not come to regret this decision.
When Charlie was playing team sports, there was an expectation for performance based on his peers abilities. I know, I know. We are talking about 5 and 6 year olds here. There is plenty of variation in ability, especially at these ages. But, his differences were noticeable - to the team, to the parents, and to himself. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel as if he was letting down his team because of something he can’t control. Karate is a solo sport. It focuses on individual progress. At the end of each class, the students in the “Little Ninjas” class at TriStar Martial Arts in Westminster are given a red stripe on their white belts. Once they receive enough red stripes, they are eligible for promotion. No one else knows how many weeks they have been working toward their goal. They are making friends, but they are on their own schedules.
And you know what? Even though he attends a class weekly, he does not always earn his red stripe. Another major tenet of karate is focus and self-discipline. While ADHD does make this a challenge for Charlie, he is still expected to try his very best, raise his hand to answer questions, stand in ready stance, and respond, “Yes, sir!” as required. Last week after class, the instructor kneeled next to Charlie to inform him that he would not be earning a stripe that day. He said, “I know you can do better because I have seen you do better.” He then gave him a smile and a high five before sending us off. He was basing this decision not on what any of the other kids were doing in the class, but what he knew that CHARLIE was capable of. Earning the next red stripe would be even more meaningful because he would know that he improved.
With DCD, coordinating muscle movements can be extremely challenging for those diagnosed. In the classes at TriStar, the students are taught a variety of punches, kicks, and defensive moves. I have joyfully watched as Charlie crosses his body’s midline and lands a punch into a cushion. This may seem like something strange to get excited about, but crossing the midline has been shown to increase communication between the right and left brain. This can help regulate emotions and improve overall bilateral coordination. Essentially, this new sport has supplemented the OT that Charlie still receives weekly.
With all of my boys, but especially Charlie, I do worry about the mean kids and bullies in the future. I am finding myself worry less as I sit and watch the classes at TriStar and their phenomenal anti-bullying campaign which instructs students on how to respond if they ever find themselves in these situations. They are taught how to use their strong voices to stand up for themselves and others rather than their fists. The other day, my (very strong) 3 year old ran up to Charlie and hit him. In the past, Charlie would have immediately retaliated. However this time, I watched as he stood tall, looked at Simon and said, “I do NOT like that!” They had just practiced this skill in class the day prior.
I know it will be a long road ahead for Charlie. I don’t want his challenges to interfere with how he perceives the world or how he interacts with it. TriStar Martial Arts has a “Strong Minds, Strong Bodies” mission to instill their students with traits such as respect, leadership, discipline, self-control, and honesty. As a parent, these are all qualities that I want to foster in my three boys. I feel that Charlie’s time at TriStar will be an amazing opportunity to learn how to find his own voice and confidence. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I’m raising a future black belt or if this is just a launching point for another passion. But, I do know that our experience so far with TriStar has been a transformative one.
*My son received free classes in exchange for this review. As always, opinions are 100% my own.
